The time I could have lost my license
I want to start off by saying that I’m not only the best freelance personal assistant in Australia, I’m also an excellent driver too.
It’s July 2023, and I’m a Tour Producer on G’s pre-release album campaign. We’re driving down the east coast of Australia, hitting roughly 18 different Platypus stores where G is performing an acoustic set of their upcoming album ‘Drummer’.
For the tour, Jeep has organised the biggest and most indiscreet bright red car for us to drive around in - ‘The Gladiator’. We naturally call her “the lesbian mobile”, as I’ve never felt more gay than while driving it.
Even though we’re impossible to miss, I have the idea of getting it wrapped with QR codes alongside G’s face plastered all over it - which, of course, we do immediately.
The whole tour is go-go-go almost every day. The minute we get to a location, we bump in, perform, bump out, and start driving to the next one.
Day 12 comes around, and we’ve just finished the last show in Albury, Wodonga. Starving from not eating all day, we quickly duck into Schnitz, grab some chicken wraps, get back in the car, and rush to get to Melbourne for another show in the afternoon.
Now, I can only assume we are all guilty of having a cheeky snack whilst driving or leaning our phone in an awkward position to follow the GPS, right?
Picture this…
Schnitz wrap in one hand, chips sticking out of my mouth, phone on my lap with the maps open - not touching or using it, just following the GPS - one AirPod in my ear just in case G’s manager calls, all whilst reversing out of a car space.
All those things combined are…not ideal.
I begin slowly reversing, and when I turn to check out my window, two police officers are running very fast over to the lesbian mobile. Panicked, I quickly start driving back into the park…I’m not about to drive away from two cops sprinting at me.
I stop the car as they approached my window. With no real time to re-adjust myself, I quickly drop my wrap in the middle console and put both hands firmly on the wheel - though my phone is still on my lap.
Keys still in the ignition, I wind down the window, and they’re looking very seriously at me. As the window gets halfway down, their eyes go straight to the passenger seat. “G Flip, I can’t believe you’re actually here, I just saw you on Instagram”.
The damn car wrap!
Relieved, to say the least. They’re not coming over for me; they just want to meet G.
I’m sitting there nervous, so I stupidly make a joke. “Phew! I thought you were coming over to tell me off”. They look down to my lap, smile, “Its all good, just find a different spot for your phone”.
As I go to move my phone, G jokingly says “Wait, don’t you dare touch your phone - they might be testing you”.
Everyone laughs. I laugh along too - though I’m still very much in shock - I remove the keys from the ignition and place my phone in a better position.
After 10 minutes, the cops say goodbye, wraps have been eaten while the car is stationary and we’re back on the road to Melbourne.
Licence intact.
The moral of this story is - do not multitask while driving, no matter how confident you are…unless you have a recognisable, notable person with you.
I'm JOKING…relax.
The lesson is obviously to always drive responsibly, and only eat Schnitz at the appropriate times.
Disclaimer: I do not support or encourage using a phone or texting while driving, I, myself, wasn’t actually touching my phone - it was an unfortunate combination of events.
